spectrum mind, running in many directions

One of my new blogging friends, Ellie, posted recently about how the Spectrum is not linear. She offers a 2D image of a color wheel – what an improvement!

As I read her post, I visualized an image that would better describe my view and experience, and how I observe “Spectrumicity” in other folks. At first, I saw a 3D globe, and thought, “Yeah, that’s it!” I didn’t want to take the time and generate the distraction of sketching and coloring, and I hadn’t loaded PShop or SketchUp onto my new laptop yet, so I went to an image site to see what I could gather there.

One rabbit hole and shiny object after another! Can you relate?

I opened Windows Paint, but no, I need to use transparency, so I searched for free photo editing software… Thirty minutes into the nether-ether-world of freeware reviews, I can feel my hackles rise, and all the work I’ve done over the past three days to get myself back into functioning-humanoid mode begins to gnarl up into knots like when my aquarium snail curls her foot up, getting ready to slam her shell trapdoor shut and make the world go away… But I digress.

I forgot my power cord, and battery power dwindles quickly, so I slapped some images into the draft and added the credit copy.

Do any of these convey a hint of the depth and complexity I’m looking for? No. And I’ve learned that even when I get all my ducks in a row and generate that image, while better, it’ll still fall short.

Maybe I should have turned to the sketchbook anyway…

What’s the point? I wish I could describe perfectly how unique we Spectrum Dwellers are.

Word and images mumble and pale beside the nameless understanding some of us share. The sensations we soak in, but others seemingly can’t. Behold the reason we sometimes furrow our brows, clamp our hands over our ears, fidget, or gaze off into catatonia. And all the things we miss. No image or sound clip, smell, sensation, or taste can, with certainty, portray our experiences to one another.

But some of us get that the glimmers we share might resonate with another being crossing our sphere. And when we connect, sparks fly, and we buzz into the energy of knowing that we’re not alone.

Maybe tonight, I’ll get around to doing all the grindy things that will allow me to composite a better image. Or not.

Perhaps instead I’ll write a rant about the word “co-morbidity” – the mundane word for the cursed blessing many of us experience. And a weak-as-f**k descriptor for how none of us are “simply” ASD or depressed or anxious or whatever. We’re all – NNT or NT – nodes in a universe of overlapping, intersecting spectra and prisms that can’t be broken down into simple labels.